What's your frame?

Today was the first day "back”; back to school for the kids and back to my work uninterrupted for the whole day. I was excited. I was going to be so productive. I'd even write a blog post which I hadn't done for a while...

Notwithstanding the general winter hibernation zone that had settled itself nicely in our home over the last few weeks, and the frosty, oh so frosty weather, this morning started off really well: I bounced out of bed at 6.20am to get ready for my workout (no joke!). I love my early morning routine, not least because I do feel a little smug thinking how the rest of the family, and most of the UK are still asleep and here's me doing a workout - in January! in the cold! Go me!

What I hadn't accounted for was that when I finished an hour later, the house would still be dead quiet and 2/3 children still in the land of nod, despite needing to be in the car on the way to school in half an hour.

Now I know this is a ridiculously middle class thing to say, but in the spirit of unabashedly true honesty and representing my authentic whole self, I need to give you the full picture:

Whilst doing my workout, the online shopping arrived. Husband was up by this point and had very kindly brought it in, and then, unbeknown to me or anyone else, decided to go for a run (yes he is mad and I am officially a marathon widow - he signed up for the Leeds Marathon in May and it is definitely the priority over and above everything else right now), the point being that added to the lack of activity getting ready to go to school, there were also about 10 bags of groceries to unpack and put away.

I felt myself unravelling. Really quickly.

The next hour can be summarised in the following way; husband returned from the run, realised what he'd done (or not done) and sought to make amends, though just continued to annoy me with his frenetic energy. The kids were impressively ready only 10 minutes later than planned, and daughter very helpfully sorted out most of the groceries while I was ranting about being undervalued and taken advantage of. The school run took an hour (it's an 15 minute round trip without traffic) and I finally sat down to have breakfast at just before 10am.

"Great," I thought, "that's the day over before it's even begun...".

I was so upset; the first day "back" and it was ruined.

So what did I do? I gave myself a good talking to. I reached into the Mussar toolbox that I am proud is now a natural go-to for me to sort myself out, and reminded myself that I am grateful for many things in my life (online shopping for one!) and that sometimes things don't work out as I expect them to, and that's ok because life is messy and aren't I lucky to be able to notice these things and acknowledge them.

So I abandoned my plans for the next couple of hours and took myself off for a walk with the dog into my local park, which I am so lucky is Roundhay Park, and the steps, the process of walking away from my house and the messiness of the morning, and then the quiet in the woods, and the beauty of the lake, and the sound of my crunching the icy snow beneath me, and the gentle gestures of warmth from passers-by… and oh my goodness that’s a beautiful view I must take a photo

And look there's a heron... I wonder if I can capture it in a photo...

Suddenly the day started to correct itself.

I breathed deep, I carried on walking, around the lower lake, stopping and appreciating the stunning surroundings both zooming in and zooming out.

And when I came home, I realised that not only did I have some absolutely stunning pictures of my Roundhay Park in the snow, but in choosing how to frame the photos, I was also choosing how to frame my day, and I realised it all worked out exactly as it should have done all along.

The next round of our SoulBalance Mussar online course starts on Sunday 12 Jan. Please click here for more info and to sign up.